OFFCIALLY THIS IS DEAD...IT HATH CONTINUED AT www.livejournal.com/house_of_gloom

DONE

This is the offical last post on this blog. After 3 more days it wlll be delted or transfered pr something. Foud a better place so why keep this?As this will be the "final" post, let me say a few things. First and foremost, I hate my life. I relaize I am not allowed ot be happy anymore, nor ever again. I found my soul mate.l..the one person wo completed me...and what happens? I cant be with her. I guess its my fault really. The first time she became mecha distand andf totally stopped talking to me(she did this at least 4 times) i puished to egt orders. I told them send me or I dont reneist...it worked. And not 3 days after i did this, and found out I got them, she told me what was up, cause I threatened to leave her. A interesting note, she once said shed go anywhere with me, as long as we could be together. So yeah...the all this shit happened..I had a birthday surprise for her. I had paperwork to drop my orders all set, all I had to do is sig it, and i was gonna sig it in front of her..what did she do? tell me shes been hding stuff...and then cancels whenw ere supposed ot meet. So like all good things in my life this one went own the shitter. I assume its for the best...im already being pulled at in 5 directions...wait...7 directions..but I just dont care. I pretend to, I make with the hppy happy joy joy, but its all a lie like my life. ok this is it. dont bother commenting on this or anything else, as I wont be bothering with this thing ever again. Rob is done with it as well. so fuck you all, goodnight

Ending it all...

Yup I am. Not in the way you think Im sure. What went though your head when you saw the title? Interesting huh...This blog is whats ending. Sure Ill be posting here now and again, but I fond a much better site to do it at. Fi you want to know email me or something and Ill let you now the new site. Seansdementia@msn.com. hell if i didnt like my name so damn much id change that too, but Seansdementia is gold for me.Alright thats all for now. The new stuff going on is posted elsewhere, so to find it ask me.

"My life sucks...

i want to die, so egt me a gun or razor to try..."
I wrote that poem a good 6 years ago. First one I ever wrote. Right after my first HS heartbreak. Not a real one, as I see now, but still the pain I felt was true to me, even if ti was total BS. I bring this up because now when I feel true pain, i can do nothing. My muse is dead, gone form this place...barely a whisper in my mind. So what happens? Shit egts kept in. Worse possbile thing ever. Fuck even writing this is making me feel emotions. Before the m,ilitary i was able to be rock hard, and not care, ale to be totally indifferent...my weakness was my weak self. I let people walk all over me. So here I am a few years later, a few years older. Now people dont walk all over me..noone does. But the inner me is now my weakness. He feels...he cares...he loves. And its killer...Id trade the sht i took bacl then for the pain i feel...if only i could be indifferent again..not caring about squat..fuck this i have stuff i should be doing...not like i care bout getting in trouble anymore right? and to quote Norm Macdonald..well sort of qutoe him..."Note to self" prediction was true hahahahaahahahah....ok that was just for me to laugh at...dont worry noone of you are suposed to egt it

Drama Drama Drama and Attack of the Super Rad

Aquabats...band frn back i the day. This song had meaning to me at one point. Me and a freind loved this song. Sadly drama happened and now it has no meaning. Why do i bring this up? Cause its on the steroe as i type this, and it seems my wee little blog that only 3 people read has drama. Its my own fault I guess, for posting what I believed and thought...without knowing how things really were. Fine whatever. I made a mistake...like many mny in my past. So what does one do now? Who the fuck knows. I think Ill become a hermit or something.Disappear from everywher except for work. Not like i have plans for firday except drink and drink and play games and drink. See how many people forget this year. Last year it was just my dad step momand bro and sisters. So...5 people. This year I predict(ahhh no a predciton not in a prediction post...my blog my rules cocksmith) ot of the peole I want to hear from, 4 will forget...at least. If you count me, 5. Yeah this started as a complaint about drama. I was gonna go into work related drama too as an example..but fuck it. im tired, in a horrid mood, have a headache, and honestly dont give a flying drunken rats ass. Y'all have a lovely air foce morning/day/whatever. Today I leave yu with a quote, like Ill try ot start leaving every post. it has nothing to do with anything...its just a great quote
Charlie Mackenzie: Have you ever brutally murdered anyone?
Harriet Michaels: Well, brutal's a subjective term. What's brutal to one person might be entirely reasonable to someone else.
from: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993

Peace out cha'll

Predictions

Ive decided that since Im pretty damned good at guessing what willhappen to me,Id start adding my guesses on here. Fair warning. If you see your name on here, this is nothng agasint you, its just what my gut s telling me. You are not allowed to use anything on ehre agisnt me or egt mad at me over. Its just what my gut is telling me. So dont egt pissy, depressive, whinny whatever. Deal with it.
First and foremost, I getitng a gut reaction to one of my new freinds who shall, for now, remain nameless. I egt the feeling something sint right. Either she sint who she says she is(option one), she herself is trying to egt back at me for herself(part of option one but still option 2) or for someone else(option 3) or shes like another, just out to play games. Regardless, I dont knwo what to think/do. Wait is all I can do, but at least Im not egtting involved this time. NOt for a LONG time. Hapiness is freedom from the demons of the past, and if i egt involved, those dmeons will haunt me. So, instead, I keep it simple. Fuck Imtired need to get up and mvoe around. later

Balh Blah Blah

What to do what to do...if anyone actially reads this crap I need advice. To open up again, to try and trsut again, or to stay shut in for awhile. I just got out of something that I consider serious, even if the other party did not. So there is someone who wants me to open up, to trust again. So do i? Damned hard decision to make. IF you can help me please do. If not, hey forge bout it

Happy Fourth...

Well it still is here...for another 33 minutes so kiss off. I spent this day like last year...chilling, relaxing and now working...Life goes on in a vicious cirlce. IF my recent..."expierence" proves anything it proves that. Sadly this time I was on the wrong end...but I elarned several lessons from this. Mainly I learned what it feels like. The apin i caused someone else...the hurt I put her through I feel it. I regret t more now than I ever thought I could. I know thereis no way for me to make it up to her...but Ill be damned if Im not gonna start trying. Ill even be as blunt a to go to her and say Im sorry for hat i did...there is no excuse, and i want to find a way to make ti right, make it up to you...hopefully i can...
As for the one who ahs hurt me...I dont hate you...if you even bother to still read this. I did what i thught to be best. Thats all. I saved myself lots more pain...but enogh of that. I may be running away from stuff but at least imrunng from the pain.
On a new and much brighter note..it seems the so called "MacG Charm" has won someoen else over. Someone recently told me she was interested in me, and all i did was tlk. hell i didnt even flirt. And it seems she finds me attractive...again im shocked...but then again the last one who thought i was cute...bah i trying ot to think about her..After i was told this I asked around..asked some exesand old friends. Seems I am quite charming and likeable and attractive...or the masses are doed up on drugs and I was left out of the drug line...Hmmm whcih could it be....i vote the LATTER.
Well Ive taken up qutie enough of your time. y'all have a nice rest of the weekend. Hasta! Peace out see ya later and buh bye. Also dont foget ot call me on the 9th lol

Its over

The enitre story is elsewhere...I just have a few things oto get off my chest. I am filled with depression, self hatred, self loathing, self pity, remorse and indifference. I think what i did was for the best. As much as Ive gotten hurt in this, all in the name of "love" mind you, I never wanted it to end this way. yet somehow I knew. Just like I knew that if we had stayed together, the other or I would have bee negleted, and my money was on me. Better to have her hate me, and want me out of ehr life, that to love me and make me miserbale, knowing I cant be with her...all for now bad subject...

Ive been doing some thinking

Which is totally rare for me. Usually i try not to. but with this...i had no choice. I am at a crossroad in my life. One where I have 3 maybe 4 paths. One takes me down a road that seems to be paved with gold, but also looks to have many many MANY thorn bushes along the way. Another one is plain, dusty and boring, same as the one ive been following until recently, another is paved with brken glass, and needles. No way Ill go down that road..same thing as death(der guess what that road means), and the last one is simliar to the plain path, in the fact that both have no hazards. The last one is covered in green grass, flowers and birds, but I know in my heart this path isnt even real, just i my mind. Those whos till dont get what means what...The plain path is my life as its always been..me alone, safe from harm but also kept away from joy and happiness. Been there, and walked it forso long it doesnt matter these days. The second is the path of "love" where though its full of joy and happiness its also full of pain. Finally there is the path fo death and there aint no way im heading dow that path. Not I. And the last one is everything I want but cant have. So whch do i take? the path of the SSDD or the path of pain filled love? This is what I ponder...and stillI have no answer. Eeryone I have spoken to has said the same thing. Given me almsot the same advice almost word for word. but what do i do now...i know its entirely up to me. Deep down, I know what I want and I know whats best. As of now they arent the same thing...dont any of you(especally YOU you know how i mean) Ive been up for many many hours now, as ive been stressed out to the max, so im rambling. I got shit to do. Later