Ive been doing some thinking

Which is totally rare for me. Usually i try not to. but with this...i had no choice. I am at a crossroad in my life. One where I have 3 maybe 4 paths. One takes me down a road that seems to be paved with gold, but also looks to have many many MANY thorn bushes along the way. Another one is plain, dusty and boring, same as the one ive been following until recently, another is paved with brken glass, and needles. No way Ill go down that road..same thing as death(der guess what that road means), and the last one is simliar to the plain path, in the fact that both have no hazards. The last one is covered in green grass, flowers and birds, but I know in my heart this path isnt even real, just i my mind. Those whos till dont get what means what...The plain path is my life as its always been..me alone, safe from harm but also kept away from joy and happiness. Been there, and walked it forso long it doesnt matter these days. The second is the path of "love" where though its full of joy and happiness its also full of pain. Finally there is the path fo death and there aint no way im heading dow that path. Not I. And the last one is everything I want but cant have. So whch do i take? the path of the SSDD or the path of pain filled love? This is what I ponder...and stillI have no answer. Eeryone I have spoken to has said the same thing. Given me almsot the same advice almost word for word. but what do i do now...i know its entirely up to me. Deep down, I know what I want and I know whats best. As of now they arent the same thing...dont any of you(especally YOU you know how i mean) Ive been up for many many hours now, as ive been stressed out to the max, so im rambling. I got shit to do. Later