Its over

The enitre story is elsewhere...I just have a few things oto get off my chest. I am filled with depression, self hatred, self loathing, self pity, remorse and indifference. I think what i did was for the best. As much as Ive gotten hurt in this, all in the name of "love" mind you, I never wanted it to end this way. yet somehow I knew. Just like I knew that if we had stayed together, the other or I would have bee negleted, and my money was on me. Better to have her hate me, and want me out of ehr life, that to love me and make me miserbale, knowing I cant be with her...all for now bad subject...

Ive been doing some thinking

Which is totally rare for me. Usually i try not to. but with this...i had no choice. I am at a crossroad in my life. One where I have 3 maybe 4 paths. One takes me down a road that seems to be paved with gold, but also looks to have many many MANY thorn bushes along the way. Another one is plain, dusty and boring, same as the one ive been following until recently, another is paved with brken glass, and needles. No way Ill go down that road..same thing as death(der guess what that road means), and the last one is simliar to the plain path, in the fact that both have no hazards. The last one is covered in green grass, flowers and birds, but I know in my heart this path isnt even real, just i my mind. Those whos till dont get what means what...The plain path is my life as its always been..me alone, safe from harm but also kept away from joy and happiness. Been there, and walked it forso long it doesnt matter these days. The second is the path of "love" where though its full of joy and happiness its also full of pain. Finally there is the path fo death and there aint no way im heading dow that path. Not I. And the last one is everything I want but cant have. So whch do i take? the path of the SSDD or the path of pain filled love? This is what I ponder...and stillI have no answer. Eeryone I have spoken to has said the same thing. Given me almsot the same advice almost word for word. but what do i do now...i know its entirely up to me. Deep down, I know what I want and I know whats best. As of now they arent the same thing...dont any of you(especally YOU you know how i mean) Ive been up for many many hours now, as ive been stressed out to the max, so im rambling. I got shit to do. Later

Well I guess I am pyschic

Seems my so called powers are getting better. I actually guessed the entire situation...which wont be spoken o fhere. If you needed to know you got an emaiil(or will when i have some freaking free time. Actually you wanna know email me how about that) But yeah Im really begining to believe im pyschic. I KNEW some things that I shouldnt have, couldnt have...its kinda freaky. Que sara sara...if thats even right. Dont matter to me. Almost 22...not looking forward to it honestly. The next bday that matters is 25 when the insurance drops. Till then, as a great band once said, Nothing Else Matters. I was feeling depressed today and with good reason(again you wanna know email me)., so I ddint sleep all day, since i got off of work. its now 8pm and i have 11 hours to go and im already dying. Sucks ass. but i plan to sleep all day tomorrow, and do alot of wirting when i egt up. I promised Marsha shed have her stry by my bday and if i can help it i plan to have the frst part of the evil side done. Now another sotry ok reckless endangerment, thugh this one is stupid and not too cool...
I hate this area...let me get that out of the way. Only thing i can say I truly like about this area is the summer...and a few indivduals. But that aside, I cant stand this place. So were out crusing one night and come across a school bus lot. And golly gee we have our paintball guns with us. So what did we do? Lock and load, and unleash a torrent of purple paint on the bright yellow busses. It was AWESOME!. We never did hear what happened, but I assume kids were blammed, which is fine by me lol. and once againALL STORIES TOLD HERE ARE FICTION!!! gone for now work to do...maybe notes on this later, hell i might share what happened and why I feel the age old emptiness growing...dont egt what im taking about? go read some of my poems. peace out