Another one saved for posterity

If you only knew
How special you really are,
How much you really mean to me.
If you only knew
All the things you did for me,
All the help you gave,
The meaning you gave to my life.
If you only knew how deep
You have touched my life,
How you have affected me.
Just know one thing for sure,
I love you
And
I always will.

you ever...

Had a feeling...depe in your heart like you know something is true? Like a simple thought passes through your head be it stupid, paranoid or just random and inane, and you heart stops for a sec and suddenly you know it to be true? I just ahd one of those..a flash of a stupid though crossed my mind..but nowmy heaert tell sme its true, and the rest of my body is agreeing. my stuomach is al butterfly-ish but in a bad omen kind of way. This feeling is like the one i had a few days ago, described below. The only word for it is bad...i just hope my eeling, isnt real or a premonition of things t come. cause if it is...im in for a load of bad stuff. *added loong after* the feeling and thout was true. thought id let you all know that*

BAck Again

After my 2 days off, i return to my own personal hell that is work. Lots has changed... but none of that is important right now. My book is fucking amazing...it cant stop reading..but i know i need to its like ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. yeah all for now back ot the book

What the hell is wrong with me?

DELETED FOR CONTENT PURPOSES

Dreams of Last Night

(this is alos being kept for posterity, and so my dumbas self doesnt forget them.Also smot of you wont know but a name or two in these, a select few might know them all)

First one started off with me driving a stolen ambulance, or something, and running from the cops, but I dont rightly remeber why. I do remeber having the bright idea of trying to egt away with whatever I did but faking a hostage escape, meaning driving away(in the same ambuance, god knows why) and saying I escpaed form the guy who did it. So i start driving down the freeway, next thing i know tis day time, and im right in fornt of a base...that hapens ot be in the middle of the freeway. Next scene, im in the middle fo somesort of training, and working with someone, cant remeber who or what she even looked like. I do know she was a cop, and i told ehr of my plan to egt away scott free. She gave me some advice to help with that, we talked about how we always had this training together, and flash, i as in a truck leaving some camp ground...someone said that Liz(my fiance) and Aerial(my friend) were in a truck that as leaving as we were(and somehow I knew they were sisters, and aerial never seemed to mention it). So I dove out of the truck i was in, went running over to theirs, so as to meet Liz for the first time. She got out slowly, we mad eeye contact smiled and kissed. Then we talked and held eachother, and boom I woke up.
So finally I doze off again, and now Im sitting in Lizs house waiting to meet her for the first time, and now she is one of my other firends sister, and again noone bothered to tell me this. She sits down next to me, we kiss and talk and kiss soe more, and her parents want to meet me, i talk to them, her and I snuggle close, and I woke up again...Weird stuff. to top it off, when I went back to sleep, I dreamt of liz again but it ddint loklike ehr this time, it looked like someone i knew in HS that I havent spoken to in years...tis one wasnt very long at all, as i woke up a short 10 mins later, and realized i was gonna be late for work...but yeah had to put these here for now, till i can move them elesewheres

A Cloud of Darkness

Feel like writing, dont knwo fi this will ne a poem or what...hell maybe many things...
This feeling,
dark and dreadful
has come over me,
quite suddenly,
and I dont know why.
Dread fills my heart,
Dread like none Ive ever felt before,
A feeling of lost true love fills my heart.
Are you alright?
Is everything ok i wonder,
as I try ti fight this feeling
and think the best....


EDITED FOR CONTENT left for posterity

My bank and all who wokr there will be destroyed, or why I now need to wait another week to egt my damned book

So yeah my bank fucked me. In conjuntion with Uncle Sam they teamed up to take the money I saved. See when you go overseas, they save the little credit card slips and send them home all in one foul swoop. Well it runs out that a few of them, 3 of mine included, never made it here til today. And guess what...poof went 300 dollars. Teh rest of my money goes to bills and ridding myself of bad credit. Damn it all. yeah this was a waste of everyones time, bit damn it, Im alone ehre and needed to tell someone...

Sadness, Sleep Deprivation, and pure outright Boredom

Im sick of my job. The monoatany is killing me ever so slowly. Some nights, its like time moves backwards. i wokr and work and get alot done, and it seems like hours have passed, but I swear its like only 30 mins. I egt so much shit done know that Im on longer shifts, its amazing. I have so much sitting around time it isnt even funny. And do i egt naything productive done in this "sitting around time"? Do i egt nay more stories or poems written? Nope. I sit here and stare at the screen. Hell Ive gotten in the habit of doing others work for them, just to make time pass. That and Ive started doing pushups and stuff here. Nothing to over do it or egt me sweating but a little so egt myself to adehere to the standards placed upon me. Gotta egt from doing 40 pushups and 45 situps in a min to 70 each. That and get my running faster. Mile and a half in 9 mins. Not too hard for somene in shape, but fora fatass like me, heh heh heh. I think my best was 15 mins..If i can shave it down to like 12 or 13 Il be ok, and I might egt to keep mu job.
Lets ee what else is going on... My sis etr who i ahvent seen in 6 years is gonna be visitn gmy father. I had plans to go donw there. Cant do it now. Several people are getting out, and that leaves us with way too few workers. So I egt to stay here. Ah well maybe it iwll only be another 4 before I egt to see her again. Lets see...*taps pencil* I think I mentioned this before, new book out soon, Stepehn kings new dark tower. I shuld have all 800 pages or so read in a day or two. So Ill have a review up here as fast as I can get it done. All for now, back to doing mindless worthless crap. FUN FUN FUN. EDITIED FOR CONTENT BY AUTHOR. HATSA ALL

Yeah forgot to add aomse stuff, at least why sadness and sleep deprivation are in the title. Dreams...yeah dreams seem to be haunting me. bad shit, like the last horrible tragedy in my life repreating itself but worse than before,. FYI if you have no lcue what i eman by the tragedy comment, ill post the whole story on my next day off or tomorrow night dpending on if im busy or not.